She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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