I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
