Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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