he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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