Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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