what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
