No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
