im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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