Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
