I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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