On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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