You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
birth control should be required to get into college
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
