Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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