I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
