Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
