you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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