remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
