today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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