Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
