Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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