If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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