i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
