i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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