I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
