somebody snuck up and got me drunk
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
