Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
