I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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