Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
