I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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