I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
