She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
