There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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