I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
