I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
