I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
