its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
