I wish I only lived at night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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