is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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