So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
