Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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