I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
