So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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