I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
