The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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