Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
