if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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