You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
