i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
