I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
