remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
