Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
