moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it's like heaven, but drunker
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
